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July 3, 2009 Recently I read a review from Publishers Weekly on a book entitled, How Full is Your Bucket by the grandfather-grandson team of Clifton & Rath. In their book, they explore how using positive psychology in everyday interactions can dramatically change our lives. For whatever reason, the book title reminded me of the song A Hold in Your Bucket. I recall us singing this song while sitting around the campfire at our campsite when I was a young teen. Alright Mom, it was mostly my younger brothers and sister who would sing (and not so much me). The main verse was "Now Fix It Dear Henry, Dear Henry, Now Fix It Dear Henry." Donald D. Clifton (coauthor of Now, Discover Your Strengths) and Tom Rath state that we all have a bucket within us that needs to be filled with positive experiences such as recognition or praise. When we are negative toward others, we use a dipper to remove from their buckets and diminish their positive outlook. We also remove from our own bucket and make ourselves not feel so good. On the otherhand, when we treat others in a positive manner, we fill not only their buckets but ours as well. When doing further research, I learned that that the How Full is Your Bucket comes with a unique code which can be accessed online at http://strengths.gallup.com/114595/Welcome-Bucketbook-com-Users.aspx (as does Strengths Finder 2.0), which offers a positive impact assessent and note cards to give praise and recognition to others. They illustrate how this principle works in the areas of business and management, marriage and other personal relationships and in parenting through studies covering a 40-year span, many in association with the Gallup Poll. While acknowledging that our lives contain their share of misfortune, they also make it clear that how this misfortune affects individuals depends on their level of positive energy and confidence. The authors also point out that our human interactions provide most of the joys or disappointments we receive from life. I believe that most of us recognize a lot of this intuitively. But I feel better when I have data that supports my intuition. It is amazing how good we feel both when receiving and giving praise. And yet, I know that I find it challenging to remember to give praise. Upon reflection, I feel sometimes it may be because I have taken something for granted or not recognized the effort that it took. Othertimes, I wonder if I am spending too much time thinking ahead and not recognizing the moment. Or is it that I think it will be seen as "over the top" by the recipient of the praise in that they feel the effort was not really deserving of special praise. When I mentioned this last point to my coach, she asked me whether I have received praise that I viewed as perhaps being a little "over the top", how did it make me feel. My response was that when I sensed the person was trying to make me feel good that I did indeed feel good. So maybe, I should be joining Henry and fixing that hole in my bucket...
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